Pursuing a Danish guy

[Wheatus]

So there's this Danish guy that I'm extremely fond of. And I can tell that there is an attraction between us...though right now I think I'm a bit more infatuated with him than he is with me. But I could be wrong because he behaves so strangely.

For example, yesterday he sat next to me in class. We started talking and it was good, but then he started pulling his chair away from me slowly. I think it was because he was trying to save a seat for his friend.  It's strange, but then later in class I'll catch him looking at me. So I never know what to think. Anyways...We went out once and it was great. At the end he tried to kiss me on the cheek and ended up kissing my hair! So that must be good, right?

I would like to go out with him again, but he hasn't said anything about a second meeting.

Would it be too forward if I was to ask him out? I asked him out the first time too. Do Danish guy's find that unattractive when a girl asks them out?

[Phyllis]

I have seen a lot of questions similar to yours, and I don't usually respond.  However, my curiousity is beginning to be aroused.  It is really hard for me to believe that men of a different culture are really so different, but after the umpteenth similar posting, I guess I have to start believing it may actually be true.  My advice to anyone in a relationship with the opposite sex, be they from the "New Country," the "Old Country," the "Third World" or Mars, is be friendly but not forward and never, never, never let them think they hold the trump card.  The only way you can do that is - don't let them hold the trump card.  It appears to me (and there was a very interesting post from a Danish guy not too long ago which seemed to confirm) that those Danish guys aren't that good with women!  Maybe friendship is all he has to offer.  If so, take it, enjoy it, but don't sit around waiting for more! 

[Wheatus]

Thanks for the response Phyllis.

Do you think that I've already let him hold the "trump card"?

I guess friendship isn't a bad thing. I'm not really sure what I'm looking for from him. As we're probably going seperate ways in a couple of months I figured I should at least try to get to know him better. And sooner.

[Sunshine]

Dear Wheatus,

I was in the same position as you a few months ago =)

I went out with a danish guy for a while, but it took us so long to go out on a second date. I was so frustrated because we had such a great time, and we were talking regularly on msn/the phone, but he never mentioned a second date! Then finally, he asked me one day, so how come you never invited me out? And I was like, well why didn't you? And here my friend, is the golden answer: since he asked me out the first time, it was only polite that he wait for me to invite him out the second time! (ahhh, why couldn't he have told me that sooner?!)

So in my opinion, I think you should invite him out. The worst he can do is say no, and trust me, that's better than wasting precious time over-analyzing him/his words/his actions etc.! I've been there, done that (especially during exam time )!

Just out of curiousity, is he an exchange student? And if so, how long is he staying for? Also, are you in university or still in highschool? I'm just curious to see how similar our situations are. Bye!
 

[Wheatus]

Hi Sunshine!

That's so funny that he was waiting for you to ask him out! I would think that after all that time passing he would've just asked again. That's kind of my situation. I asked him out first so now I'm just waiting. It's getting annoying though because I am over-analyzing things now. I guess I will have to ask again. Do you think I should make it more like a date? Like go see a movie? The first time we met up for coffee and just walked around talking.

Just out of curiousity, is he an exchange student? And if so, how long is he staying for? Also, are you in university or still in highschool? I'm just curious to see how similar our situations are. Bye!

Well we are both University Students. He's not exactly an exchange student. I think that exchange students are usually associated with a school in their hometown? He's been here for almost a year now and since our school offers classes abroad we are both planning on taking advantage of it next semester. Of course that all depends if we get accepted. Also he wants to go visit different places than I do since we are studying different things.

[Sunshine]

Hey Wheatus!

      Haha, well we are definitely similar in our Dane-infactuation, as well as our tendency to over-analyze - but hey, what girl doesn't?! As for the movie bit, it's up to you. I personally like talking as opposed to sitting silently in a movie theatre. How about some dessert, crepes or waffles perhaps?

I'm in university in North America and the Danish fellow was on exchange from Denmark. He was only here a short while (5 months), and he's gone now. It was very fast and very random, whatever it was that we had. I'm still not sure what it was (or IS for the matter ...)

Anywho, I gather from your post that you two might soon be heading off in different directions. So, JUST GO FOR IT!
 
BUT please be advised, I make tons of mistakes (I'm only human), so I'm not going to suggest that my advice has a 100% guarantee on it!

I don't know, I guess for me, a life filled with "maybes" and "what ifs" would really suck. I guess I'm just hoping to help spare yours =)

[Phyllis]

Hello again Wheatus.  I just had to let you know about an article I found on the web.  Go to

http://www.xmel.com/denmark7.html

to read what one American woman living in Denmark wrote in response to the often asked question of what she thought of Danish men.  This is just too funny.  I absolutely thought of you when I read it.

[Wheatus]

Hello Sunshine and Phyllis!

Thanks for the link Phyllis. I read about John Wayne and then I went and read the rest. It was hilarious, but at the same time it felt very similar to my situation. I guess Danish guys need women to carry a sign that reads, "I'm interested".

And I definitely agree with you Sunshine...that living with "maybes" and "what ifs" isn't a good thing. Except this week I was feeling so stressed about school. One of my classes I'm not doing so well in. Anyways, I was planning on saying something to him and I didn't. And it's so funny because yesterday in class there was lots of eye contact. He waved at me. He cracked a joke and we had a "moment". We were the only two people that found it funny. He even came up to me and showed me the project he was working on.  If there ever was a time for me to say something...it was then.

Oh well. Next week I'll try again I guess.

But once again thanks so much for your responses. I was starting to think that he was crazy and I shouldn't bother. But now I think I'm  going to give it one more try.
 

[Wheatus]

So over it.

[Sunshine]

oh no, what happened?

but i suppose "i'm over it" too!

[Wheatus]

Nothing happened!

To be honest I didn't ask him out again, but I did make an effort to talk to him whenever I ran into him. It's just way too much effort. And I'm starting to think he might be gay. During our last class together he was all busy worrying about his roommate. His roommate didn't come home for the past couple of nights b/c his roommate was staying at his g/f's place.
And the danish guy knew that...so I don't know what he was worrying about.

Oh well. The semester is over and a new one is starting. I guess I'll meet someone who makes more sense than he does.

[frente]

"never let them think they hold the trump card"....that's hard to deal with
maybe I let my Danish bf think I love him so much that I will never go away
right now I don't wanna bring this topic to the table since we're so far away and I still care about him very much
I think the relationship with him is the hardest that I ever have
that drives me crazy and nut
sometimes I think he's already nice enough to me when I saw some articles....but to me, that's still not enough
I hate this situation
and I hate myself couldn't get out of it=.="

[phelpme]

all over

[leeloo2601]

Oh dear. Reading all of this makes me think so many times of giving my all to the relationship that I'm in.
*concerned*